Never Let Friends Borrow Money
photo credit: Cats in trees
I’m going to share something very personal, and I hope that you will respect the decision I made at the time, and not tell me what a bad decision I made. I just hope someone can learn from this.
In December, a friend came to me, crying because they were behind on their mortgage due to some uncontrollable circumstances. I was very understanding, went through all the options I could think of with her, and then after she told me that she had done everything she could think of and exhausted her family members, she didn’t know who else to turn to. And if she didn’t make her two months’ worth of mortgage payments that they would be served a foreclosure notice right before Christmas and she, her husband, and two children would be out of a home.
So I lent her $1500 and made the mortgage payments for her because she’s my best friend, and that’s what best friends do if they are able to.
The agreement was that she would pay me back in January when she got a check from financial aid. I was fine with that because I’ve known them for 8 years and they are honest people. If I didn’t lend them the money, could I be okay with them being out on the streets? Probably not.
Well, January came, and she didn’t end up getting the financial aid, so she said they’d pay me back when they got their tax return. They came down to visit me in February, said they’d bring the check, and then forgot to give it to me while they were down here. So the last three weeks I’ve spent bugging her about when they sent the check. I can understand that you forget to mail it for a few days. But after three weeks, that’s just ridiculous. And now I need the money and I’ve expressed that to her. She’s ignoring me.
I’m hurt and angry beyond words. I never thought that someone that was my best friend would do this to me. It makes me sick. It has put so much stress and anxiety on me that I spent the whole night in tears. I just feel so betrayed. I just want my money back.
I guess it boils down to never let friends or family borrow money. I should have thought about that before hand. My gut told me to do it, but my head told me not to.
There’s a chance that I’m blowing this all out of proportion and I receive the check in the mail tomorrow. I really hope that is the case, but I’m not holding my breath. What hurts is that she’d be willing to toss away 8 years of friendship over this. I hope that she does come through and I get my money back and can be happy.
Please, if you learn anything from this, just don’t let people borrow money. It’s just not a good idea.
What you did was a kind thing. I hope she’s not willing to sacrifice your friendship over it. If she can’t pay at once, I hope she’s brave enough to admit it and pay you back in installments. Either way, you did a kind thing. I hope it turns out well for you.
*hugs*
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Mrs. Micah- Thank you. I wish she would just let me know what is going on. That is the most frustrating part- she keeps ignoring me. At least grow some balls and tell me the truth!
I appreciate all your support. It means so much! <3
[Reply]
Hugs.
We all make choices, and you made the choice you thought was the best at the time.
My only advice if you had asked before you lent the money would have been to never expect to get it back. Think of it like a high risk investment.
I feel really bad for you though, it’s not enough to lose money, but you’re also losing what you thought was your best friend which is worth way more than $1500.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Kelly- Thanks.
I agree- it just sucks, all the way around. I never thought they would be like this.
[Reply]
I’m sorry you learned this lesson the hard way & I hope it turns out better than you think it might. I’ve heard it said that you should consider any loans to family or friends as “gifts” – that way if you get it back, it’s a bonus and if you don’t, you didn’t expect it back. I’ve got zero experience in this department – but I sincerely hope your friendship isn’t ruined. That would be a true tragedy.
Hugs & prayers
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:12 am
sue- Thanks so much. I hope it turns out better than I thought too. I am just so disappointed in it all.
[Reply]
Give a friend money, but never loan it. I would never expect to get it back.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:12 am
Jennifer- I can agree with this statement wholeheartedly now. I never would have loaned them the money if I thought they wouldn’t give it back.
[Reply]
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My husband always says, you don’t loan money, you give money. That way you spare yourself the disappointment and anger when it doesn’t come back.
But lately I’ve been contemplating when does helping become enabling. I’ve been watching that play out in my extended family.
I really hope she comes through for you.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Mrs. Frugal- Thanks for your kind words. I hope she comes through too. I’m just so disappointed that she is ignoring me and willing to do this to our friendship
All I wanted to know is what is going on.
[Reply]
What a tough situation.
I’m so sorry your friend has disappointed you. It stinks that she’s avoiding you, because it seems like you’re an understanding person and if there’s some legitimate reason she hasn’t paid you back, you probably wouldn’t be quite as hurt.
I’m absolutely positive I would have done the same exact thing. And as much as this hurts, I think you should continue to console yourself with the knowledge that you did the right thing. Yes, this is a tough lesson to learn, but it’s one you can live with. I don’t think you could have stood by as your best friend and her family were evicted right before Christmas. It doesn’t seem like that would have been a decision you could live with.
I hate that your friend is handling the situation so poorly, though. Even if she can’t pay you back, and even if you’d be upset with her about it, she should be honest with you instead of ignoring you.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:14 am
Karen- Thanks! It feels so good to hear someone else say they would have done what I did. I have a heart and tried to help someone in need.
And I agree- I am totally understanding and all I want is an answer. All I asked was for her to let me know what is going on and she doesn’t have the decency to let me know. That’s what pisses me off. With friends like that, who needs enemies?
[Reply]
I’ve never had to be in that situation, and I honestly don’t know what I would do. Most likely I would have done the same thing you did, and hope that my friends would pay me back.
Thanks for being honest and posting this, it opens other people’s eyes – whether they are the lender or borrower – and brings an honest discussion about lending friends (and family) money.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:15 am
Chloe- Thanks so much for your kind words.
I felt like I had no other choice to do what I did at the time. How would I have felt with them getting thrown out of their house and me knowing that I’ve got $ in the bank, you know?
[Reply]
I am so very sorry it turned out this way. I’m still hoping that she is just embarrassed that she “can’t” pay you back and that it’s a legitimate reason but I wouldn’t hold my breath.
FWIW, knowing what you did at the time, it would have been very difficult to choose not to help.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:16 am
Revanche- I am hoping that’s it too, but it’s so bad that she is not being honest with me. That’s all I asked for
That is what hurts- that she doesn’t have the respect to just tell the truth.
Thanks
[Reply]
You have a big heart and I’m sorry she’s taking advantage of that!
I do hope it works out in your favor, and soon!
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:16 am
Kacie- Thanks.
I hope she at least answers me but I have this feeling that I may not hear from her again.
[Reply]
Unfortunately when money is lent to a friend of family member, it usually ends up with loss of friendship or loss of contact with the family member for a time. Consider giving money instead of loaning it. At least you will keep the relationship. I hope your situation works out and you can retain your friend if that is your desire. Thanks for sharing your story so others do not fall into the same trap.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:17 am
BibleDebt- Thanks! I hope it works out too.
[Reply]
I just found your blog a few days ago and enjoy it very much!
DH and I have loaned money to family members twice. Would we do it again? Yes and No. =)
My father had a wise rule of thumb – If you are going to “loan” money to family or close friends, make sure that you can give it as a gift. If you can’t, then don’t do it.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:18 am
Erin- Thanks! I probably would have thrown out more suggestions if I didn’t think I wouldn’t get the money back. I knew they were getting money back from their taxes so I never thought they would do this to me.
[Reply]
I’ve lent money to friends before and got it back. I hope it will work out well for you, too, please don’t worry yet.
And I don’t think you made a bad decision. You have a big heart and it’s fantastic that you were willing to help this way.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:18 am
Corrie- Thanks so much for your kind words.
That means a lot.
[Reply]
How hard! Of course I can understand wanting to help out friends. I’ve done the same on a smaller scale when I was in college, helping a friend buy groceries. We were both really broke, so I could understand how awful it would be not to have money for food. She promised she’d pay me back before the date when I’d really need the money. She did write me a check. . .and it bounced! Which also cost me a fee at my bank. Ugh.
Eventually she paid up, but for a long time I resented it. Since then, I’ve always viewed ‘loans’ to family and friends as donations that may someday be paid back. . . but I don’t count on it. And using that logic, I don’t lend anything I can’t spare.
Sorry that happened to you. It’s a hard situation and these are hard times. Thanks for posting on the topic–you’re right, maybe someone can learn from this.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:19 am
Simple in France- I am totally resenting it right now. I just have gone through all these emotions. And it sucks because it’s been affecting the rest of my life. I have decided that if she is going to do this to me, then I really don’t need her as a friend. Which is sad, but who needs friends like that, that can’t even be honest with you?
I really hope someone does learn from this. That would make me feel better!
[Reply]
I’m sorry you’re going through this. The least she can do is tell you up front whether she has money to return to you or not. That said, I agree with some of the comments above. If you have money to loan friends and family, you might as well give it and not expect anything back.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:21 am
Random Thoughts- Exactly! That’s all I was asking for is honesty. I think that she should have enough respect that she can tell me the truth. I’m just so frustrated with it. And what is more of a kick in the pants is that they booked a vacation knowing they weren’t going to pay me back. Who does that?
[Reply]
H Lee D Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:40 am
They booked a vacation? OK, that definitely kills it for me. Wow.
I always try to give benefit of the doubt because a friend lent me $8K several years ago, just as I was going into grad school. I paid him $50 here and $100 there for years until I got a job again and could pay him more. It’s been all paid back for a while now, and it completely saved me. I’m grateful he didn’t follow the “don’t lend money to friends” rule.
But this situation is obviously different
[Reply]
My guess is that she’s not able to pay it back now and is too embarassed to fess up and work out a plan with you.
I agree with Mrs. Frugal and Jennifer in that you have to consider loans to friends and family as being a gift. If you can’t afford the gift, then don’t loan it.
You were being kind and generous and I’m sorry you had to learn this lesson.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:22 am
Bucksome- I think so too. It just sucks because all I am asking for is a straight answer. If she can’t do that, then is she really a friend?
I would have offered her other suggestions if I would have known it would turn out like this and put me through so much stress.
Thanks for your kind words.
[Reply]
I’m sorry this is happening. I wanted to offer another perspective…
“What hurts is that she’d be willing to toss away 8 years of friendship over this.”
Perhaps so. Or maybe she’s just so embarrassed that she doesn’t have the money that she’s avoiding you because now, in addition to not having enough money, which is a huge stressor, she owes it to her friend, which is another stressor. And we all know that when we’re under a lot of stress, we don’t necessarily make good decisions.
But it sounds like you are also willing to toss away 8 years of friendship over this. Is your friendship worth $1500? Can you approach her and say that you have a feeling that she’s still having some trouble, and could she give you $300 a month starting immediately? Do you have PayPal?
You might feel indignant, like you shouldn’t have to do any more work because you’re the one who gave the money in the first place! But again, is she worth it? I can’t answer that.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:23 am
H Lee D- Well that’s the thing. I didn’t tell her that if she didn’t give me the money back that we wouldn’t be friends any more. I just said I wanted an answer. That’s all I asked for. And she can’t be honest with me? That’s not a true friend. I would totally take payments by Paypal if I could get her to answer me. I’ve texted, emailed, emailed her husband, and neither of them answer me. It’s just so rude and I’m more upset about that.
With friends like that, I don’t need enemies
I am so hurt over the fact that she is ignoring me and just can’t be honest.
[Reply]
This is why when I had a close family member ask to “borrow” money recently, I told her she didn’t need to pay it back. We had planned to donate to modest needs anyway and I told her that we would just consider what we gave her to be our donation. If it were a friend rather than family, I would let her know that we can help once and only once and then I wouldn’t think of it again.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:24 am
Laura- I am glad that you did what you did.
It sucks to have to go through this!
[Reply]
I’ve been on both sides of this coin, and currently still am.
Bottom line? Money’s just that; money.
You don’t give what you can’t afford to lose (whether it’s something physical or emotional).
But I guess I’m one of the few cases that really don’t care much; I’m not stressed by the interest rates I’m paying at the bank for my debt and I don’t care that I can’t vacation abroad thrice a year as long as I can still make it through the month. I got my priorities, and money isn’t on top of them. It’s somewhere nice in the middle, where it should’t ever have any actual power to stress me out
[Reply]
Laura Reply:
March 27th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Well said!
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:25 am
Shery- I guess this is a lesson that I’ve learned. I won’t be lending money to people in the future. Hard lesson, but an important one.
[Reply]
You did what you wanted. And you followed your gut feeling. These are two good “rules of life” which I follow. Please don’t give up on your friendship. You feel really bad now, but try to think how you would be feeling if they were out on the street. My guess is you would be feeling just as bad. I too think she may be on ok grounds now but not enough to repay you & is just embarrassed to talk about it. Whether or not you ever see the money returned is unforeseeable.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:25 am
Cindy- Thanks! It’s going to be interesting to see what happens. I just wish they would be honest with me. That’s all I am asking for.
[Reply]
Sigh
I’m sorry for the bad situation – I agree with what’s been said – give money, never lend it unless you’re actually a bank ;p
It will let you sleep at night – and avoid you getting into trouble because someone else doesn’t keep their word
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:26 am
cherieamb- Thanks.
LOL I am totally not a bank. That made me smile though! 
[Reply]
I agree with those that said that she’s probably avoiding you because she still doesn’t have the money and is embarrassed. But even if she is just using you, the real lesson is to never lend money that you can’t afford to lose without resentment. I learned that the hard way – and it was my boyfriend who I was living with that borrowed the money. It doesn’t matter how “honest” someone is – they could have unforeseen circumstances and not be able to follow through. If you only loan what you can afford to lose, you can be free, w/o resentment…
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Deirdre- I agree. I’ll bet they don’t have the money now either. It just sucks that they can’t fess up and tell me that. Of course I would be accommodating. I’m going to consider this a good lesson that I learned. It shows a lot about someone’s character too and maybe I’m better off in the long run?
[Reply]
I’m so sorry. I can’t say anything that everyone else hasn’t said already; it’s just rotten, that’s all.
I just found your blog and am always looking for new PF ones. Glad to have found you… Hope this all works out with your friend.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Jolyn- Thanks. It just sucks. I’m glad you stopped by and left such a nice comment!
[Reply]
Yeah, I’ve seen a relative give out money because people were having trouble. That relative did loan it, but didn’t expect to see it again. That said, hope springs eternal, so there was still some disappointment when things got fouled up.
I’m sorry this is causing so many problems between the two of you. You have every right to be upset at her conduct. It may be understandable from her point of view, but that doesn’t make it right.
I doubt she’s throwing away the whole friendship away. She’s probably just, as everyone else, humiliated and unsure how to deal with it. I can only hope she gets it together enough to at least start making $50 payments a month or SOMETHING. It would be a shame to lose such a good friend over an act of kindness on your part!
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:28 am
Abigail- I would be totally accommodating if she wanted to make payments. I am just so upset at the way they are acting. It’s just sad.
[Reply]
I am really sorry that your good friend did this to you. And I think your gut is right – that the check is not in the mail and they are delaying until ‘a better time’.
We’ve all been here. But I understand why you did it. I hope that your good friend realizes that a friendship should not end over a financial decision and that she needs to take responsibility to rectify the situation.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:30 am
Money Funk- My hubby kept saying that they didn’t have the money, that they spent their tax refund but I didn’t want to believe him. We did this out of kindness and I feel taken advantage of. I agree she needs to take responsibility. I hope that she is honest with me soon. Thanks for your kind words.
[Reply]
Hi
When we talked about this yesterday, I felt pretty awful for you. I thought about this some more and I think that karma is going to bite your friend back pretty hard.
So are you meeting your financial need? It seems you are antsy for the money to be paid back because now you really need it.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:31 am
mapgirl- Thanks. I hope that karma does get her pretty good. I am just so upset that they are ignoring me more than anything. All they had to say was that they spent the money or whatever and offer to make payments. It’s the fact that they are not doing anything that has pissed me off so bad.
I need the money but we’re not desperate, you know? It’s just frustrating.
Thanks so much for your support- it means a lot to me and you have made me feel better.
[Reply]
Just tonight my friend finished repaying the $ she borrowed in November, and promised to repay before Christmas. It came in dribs and drabs, but eventually (4 months waiting)it has been repayed. She never dodged me, but said she was unable to repay it all, and would $50 a payday be ok until it was repaid. Would I do it again? Probably not. But I am glad that it is paid now!
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 11:32 am
Nicole- I’m so glad you got your money back. That’s all I am asking for. The deal was that they would give it back in a lump sum but I would take what I can if it means I get all my money back.
[Reply]
I had a friend offer to loan us money and I blogged about it:
http://diggingoutfromourmess.blogspot.com/2010/02/generous-offerbut-no.html
I hope you get your money soon.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
Mysti- That’s nice that you have a friend like that.
I hope we get our money soon too. It just sucks 
[Reply]
It’s noble to want to help friends but this stuff happens a lot when loaning friends money. That’s why Dave Ramsey says not to loan friends money.
Hopefully she will pay you back, but it may not happen.
You could take them to small claims court if they don’t pay. For that amount of money I would almost consider it. What they did was not right and totally uncalled for.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 28th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Arthur- I am nervous about small claims court but we’ll see what happens. It is an option. I would hate to have to do that though.
[Reply]
Mrs Money
My mom told me that if you lend money to a friend, be prepared never to get it back! Maybe writing down this “loan” and saving the friendship is the thing to do. You knew she was in trouble. Maybe a call to her saying it’s ok and that she could pay you back anytime may be the right thing to do.
Mr Credit Card
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 31st, 2010 at 7:32 pm
Mr Credit Card- She won’t respond to my calls. I have told her all I want is an answer and she won’t even give me that. I am just so hurt, and that is what I am most upset about. And I definitely learned my lesson- don’t lend friends money.
Your mom was a smart woman!
[Reply]
I would have made the same choice you did, even knowing the advice that you should never loan friends money and/or should not expect to get back what you give. It’s what I would do for a good friend, and you would think that 8 years of friendship would be pretty darn good “collateral”. It is a lot easier to give the advice not to do it when it’s not *your* friend that needs help.
Seeing your comment above that she booked a vacation makes me angry – I agree, who does that?!?!
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 30th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
kasey- I thought that I was doing the right thing at the time. I did think 8 years of friendship was good collateral. Thanks so much for your support.
I appreciate it.
That is what makes me so angry- the fact they are ignoring me deliberately and then they booked a vacation!
[Reply]
I lent money to two family members…one said she was desperate for $ and asked to borrow $400. After we ‘lent’ her the $, she went out a got a huge tattoo (our other family members kept teasing us that that’s what you get for loaning money). Luckily, she did pay us back months later from/a tax refund.
Another one needed to pay the rent (was way overdue). We even dropped the check off to the rental office for him (40 minutes away)! Never saw that $, but we pretty much knew we wouldn’t be repaid. Still burns me up a little, but basically, I think of it as doing a good deed.
Maybe you should try to think of it as a charitable donation and not lose the friendship. I think if you ask her in person and explain that you value her as a friend, she would likely be willing to open up and offer a repayment over time.
If you are ever asked for $ from a fam. member or friend, just say that you wish you could help, but you are feeling pinched as well. Always works.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 30th, 2010 at 1:43 pm
holly- Oh wow! I would have been so mad about the tattoo girl!
The thing that gets me is that are ignoring me and they booked a vacation instead of paying me back. Friends don’t do that.
I wouldn’t have lent them the money if I ever thought this would happen. And they live four hours away so I can’t really just show up there
I will totally take your advice next time if this ever happens!
[Reply]
Oh Ouch. My parents went through this same scenario with some very close family friends (who eventually declared bankruptcy – but then, years later, repaid the loan). It created a terrible rift between our families that we still haven’t gotten over.
I agree with all the prior commenters who suggest viewing loans to family and friends as gifts. I imagine it causes tremendous anxiety and embarrassment for many people to have to ask friends for money – and if the troubles that led to the first request continue, the embarrassment of being unable to repay the loan turns simple communications a reminder of the problem – so they avoid conversation. Losing the money is painful. Losing a lifelong friendship is a tragedy.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
March 31st, 2010 at 7:24 pm
ami- It does suck
It also makes it so awkward like you said. I will never lend anyone money again. I guess I can consider this a lesson learned.
And I agree- I am devastated at the fact that they would even do this to me.
All we want is an answer.
[Reply]
I am currently in a similar situation to your friend. I have two little children and we were almost foreclosed on. I left the house with the kids to let my husband (most likely, soon to be ex) stay home to deal with the mess. Instead of allowing the foreclosure to occur, he borrowed money from his mom (she cannot afford to loan out money). I was rear ended in December and offered to live without a car so that we could pay down some debt. Instead, my husband used the profits from our car to live off and our debt continues to grow. I have tried to be optimistic and am trying to figure out how to dig myself out of this situation. I have not borrowed money from friends, but I do know I am hiding from them anyway because life is quite overwhelming right now. I can only imagine how horrible I would feel if I owed my friends money on top of the horrible guilt I feel about being in a really bad financial situation. I do not believe that it is right to hide, but I am doing just that. Please try to understand her perspective, too. If she has been a good friend for 8 years, then you do not really think she is trying to run off with your money, do you? She is probably hiding because she knows she has no right to take your money and is really upset that she does not have the money to pay you back. If you are up crying at night because you loaned out money and think you will not get it back, then what do you think her nights are like when she is unable to provide for her children and now is unable to pay back a dear friend? Do not get me wrong, she is in the wrong. I would never have accepted money from a friend. She should not have either. But what is done is done. You can take her to court, but it will just put a bigger wedge in your friendship, and what she needs now is a friend. I bet if you stick it out and offer her emotional support (no more $) when she does get back on her feet, she will be a lot more likely to repay your good deed. Please do not think I am judging you, either. You deserve to get your money back. Have you tried going to her with some creative interest earning methods? Maybe you could ask her to do some work that would help you cut your expenses while allowing her to postpone repayment. Good luck to both the friend who is facing tough times and to you in your difficult situation.
[Reply]
I would have done the same thing and felt the same way. I agree with everyone but I have loaned friends money and have gotten it back. Family well thats another story lol This is a tough situation I don’t know why she just doesn’t email you back at least! Even if she could send you $20 every week that would be better then ruining a friendship and I am sure you would be appreciative. She may just be really ashamed but she should express herself.
[Reply]
Hi I found your blog because I am troubling by sth like yours.
This kind of thing have happend to me twice, so I totally understand your situation.
When our friends ask help from us, all we wanted to do is to help them, like you say, “If I didn’t lend them the money, could I be okay with them being out on the streets? Probably not.” I totally agree with you. 1500$ is a little too much, but I think it is still worth it to find a “friend’s” true personality.
One of my friends asks me to help with his career. Although I really need a job then, I still don’t want to work for him because I don’t want to talk with him about my salary.You know it is a very very sensitive problem. Can you give me some advice? I will be very appreciate for this.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 5:27 pm
Hi Bovoy-
I think you should ask him what he plans on paying because you need to see if you can make it work. Hopefully you two can work something out! It’s always sticky when it involves friends.
[Reply]
I have a sister who borrowed money many times in the past and never returned one penny. She always had a good plea though everytime she borrowed. “I know I didnt pay you in the past but I promise I will pay you back this time” was always her plea and then she would ignore me or either get mad at me and not speak to me for two years bc I couldnt understand why she kept doing that to me. The last time was about 6 yrs ago and she said she needed it to pay the rest of her rent. Promised to pay it back in installments then when that didnt happen she said when she got her taxes back…never got a penny and she resulted in not speaking..so now it is 6 yrs later and she called the other night and same story but this time it was for 100.00 to pay rest of rent she owes and that she will pay me back bc she knows if she does I will help her again…she is in a bind of being on unemployeement but there have been so many times she never paid me back, in fact NEVER paid me back…always turned it on me and said I owed her…but that ws only after I asked her why she dont pay back but never volunteered to tell me. It always ends up in a war with me being the bad guy…so I am searching for the biblical answer to should I loan to her again ehren I am pretty sure in my heart she is capable of doing this to me again. I might also add that she is never heard from unless she does want something then she will call for a few days to see how I am then she lays on me what she really wanted. I believe she spitefully uses me bc she knows I am a christian and I abide by what the lord tells me to do. I have been helping her the last few months and giving her whatever she needed even buying her a brand new computer when hers went on the blonkers…then I read that god may not want us to keep helping those who are in trouble bc he might be using that situation to draw them to him..so I quit offering to help without her asking so now she has asked…She is not reliable so should I give it to her or should I let her see it as a loan and see if she is honest this time.I am hoping to find the biblical answer before I make another mistake bc I want the Lord to thave the glory in this.
[Reply]
I’m in almost the same exact boat. Over 1.5 yrs ago got the sob story needed $1800 or house be foreclosed on. I TEMPORARILY had the ability to LOAN the amount. Promised it back in 6 – 8 weeks. Haven’t seen a DIME!!! She and hubby bragged about spending summer with their kids and I finally emailed her how irate I was over leaving my kid with someone every day to work!!! Promises and promises over the past two months. It’s in the mail. It got lost. I was supposed to get $125 by yesterday in the mail. Nope. Wasn’t there. Had nerve to say “I don’t want you to think I’m not going to pay”. BWHAAA, HAAA, HAAAA…. now why would I think that?? LMAO!!! Her hubby supposedly doesn’t know because he’s “too proud” to take $. Well, she has until mid-Sep to get a payment plan started. If not, she gets warning that I’m going to hubby. By end of September I have NO CHOICE but to involve him.
[Reply]
Duped Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 2:52 pm
I meant to say “how irate I was leaving my kid with someone every day to work while she and her husband have had TWO summers off”!!! I feel like I loaned them $ so that they could have two summers off while I work my ass off!!!!! grrrrr She’s perfectly able to work and just is not going to. Ridiculous!!!!! I wuld have gotten a 2nd job to pay my friend back.
[Reply]
I’m so sorry that happened to you! The same thing happened to me with a girl who I thought was a good friend. Altho mine was 200 dollars and not as much as you, but she hasn’t made any effort to pay it back, and yet has posted pics of her and her family on vacations and such on Facebook! Now we are no longer friends and I guess I look at it as I paid the money to get rid of her…I did so much for her and I will never be taken advantage of again. You aren’t alone, and there are good upstanding ppl who would never take advantage. How do these ppl sleep at night?
[Reply]
I’m currently in the same boat as you are. I decided that my best friend and I should stop complaining about traveling and just do it. Since I make more money than she does (she’s in school & I work full time), I offered to lend the money to her until after the trip. So far, I’ve seen only 1 (very small amount) check and we’ve been back for 2 months now. I asked her about it right after we got back from the trip and she accused me of saying that I didn’t think she would pay me back and she got very offended. Now, I’m starting to believe that. We’ll see what happens but she’s now ignoring me. I feel for you. I really do. It’s hurtful to the most extreme. Especially since your (our) intentions were for the good. I hope everything works out in your situation. It’s never fun to be stabbed by a supposed best friend.
[Reply]
Mrs Money Reply:
October 20th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
ms. travel-
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m no longer friends with the girl but I miss her friendship terribly 
[Reply]
I don’t think you should feel bad at all about the friendship. If she cares about you as much as you care about her, she should not be treating you like this! I hope you will eventually free yourself from what happened. A $1,500 buys you a valuable experience… so you will never, never lend money to people. But I don’t think you should feel bad about the lost friendship, honestly.
I have the similar experience like you did. I lent $1000 to a friend who I knew for only 3 months on the job. We both lost our job the same day. Then she started to tell me the financial problem she has (no job, no husband and with 2 kids to support). I felt bad and lent her all my savings at that time, $1000. I thought at least I have my family to support me when I lost a job. However, it upset me when I went out with her after a month, she bought a $300 sewing machine. So I asked her, if you can afford to buy a sewing machine, can you pay me back at least something? So she gave me $300. But after that, she never call me again. And I didn’t want to call again because I couldn’t picture myself going after someone very hard for my money back (and I didn’t value money the way I value it today). Yes, I paid a $700 for a lesson. I lost the friendship… but really there was never a friendship there to her.
I haven’t really learned from the lesson above though. Still lent money (over $3,000) to my uncle- and I know this money will never come back to me because he can’t afford to pay me back with his later retirement money. But this money really saved his life… so have no regret. So did some of my siblings helped out too. In life sometimes, we do need to let our hands out to those who really need it. And recently lent $5,000 to two family members who were in finance crisis over 2 years ago. Last week, I just asked back for my money by monthly installment because I am going through a lot of big/unexpected changes (and I am on my own in another state now). What makes me feel a little upset about this, is that I feel no matter how nicely you asked for your money back, someone got to be unhappy with you. I feel I didn’t even get the word “thanks” sincerely from the two family members- since the $5000 check I sent 2 years ago, and up till the 1st installment payment I received today. The worst part is that there has no concern expressed about my current tough situation from one of them. Just received a check with a piece of blank paper today! : ( I guess being good-hearted is good but don’t expect the beautiful things in returned… that may make one feel easier to swallow. : ) Hope my experiences make you feel better about your own experience. Take care!!
[Reply]
Strange, my post just from today got deleted????!!!!
[Reply]
I probably have a stupid story to cheer you up. I lent a friend (so I thought anyway) $600 only to find out he gambled it. Wait…Wait it gets better the night he went out and blew MY money he claims his drink was spiked and doesnt remember me loaning him the money. How ridiculous is that. I feel like alot of other people here like “the lenders” end up feeling stupid. I will NEVER EVER EVER lend a cent to anyone.
Thanks for listening
[Reply]
THIS HAPPENED TO ME TOO I LET TWO GUYS BORROW MONEY AND THEY ARE BROTHERS I LET ONE BORROW 100 THE OTHER 200 IT AIN ALOT BUT IM NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW AND THEY TOTALLY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME IM SO MAD BCUS THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING AND THEY HAVENT PAYD ME BACK SO YEA NEVER AGAIN
[Reply]
The exact same thing happened to me. It is betrayal & hurtful to the utmost degree. Your friend has NO conscience. That is the only way that she is able to do something like that, and feel No guilt/No shame and No remorse. You are without a doubt a very beautiful human being. I would treasure a friend like you. The only things that got me over the hurt were God & time. A whole lot of time. You won’t see the $ from her, but you WILL get it back. I guarantee it. All my love
[Reply]
P.S. Your friend is a COWARD, and that is why she won’t contact you. She is probably behind on her bills again, people like that Always are. They do not understand $ management & are constantly in financial trouble. “We” try and help them, because we care, but in reality we are just enabling them to continue to be financially irresponsible. You are not the only one they have screwed. They have a long list of people that they have done that to. Probably have lawsuits in court as we speak.
Secondly, when I first read your story, my heart broke for you. Every awful feeling you had, I had the same ones. It is one of “those things” in life, that you DON’T know how it feels, until you actually go thru it. I NEVER want to feel that hurt again. The great thing is-I have total control over that. As many of your other guests have replied……I WILL NEVER LEND A FRIEND $ AGAIN. (Give? yes. Lend? No) I would like to send a little $ your way. And I would ask anyone else on here that has given their .02 worth, to do the same. Hey, if we all give $5.00 $10.00 or whatever, you will be paid back. Is there an address or something? If not, just know that I HONESTLY know how you feel. I love you & someday you will feel true forgiveness for her & YOU ARE GOING TO FEEL SO MUCH WISER having gone thru this. You may even laugh about it. (I do) Take care, all my love-Barb
[Reply]
Thant happend to me too, It is really sad. She has a lof of money now and I am broke but the lord is always with me and that is what it matters. Take care and be proud of yourself
[Reply]
This sort of situation happened to me too, but it was a guy who was about to go to jail because he owed $4200 in back child support. he took good care of his son, and had him more than the mother, so i didnt think it was fair. He also lost his license because of this, and he works in the auto business. i loved him very much, but we were not together. i knew him for 2 years, and thought he was one of the most honest guys i ever met. The mother took the son away and said he could not see him until he paid child support, i felt horrible for him and let him use my credit card, he said he would pay it back soon and was very greatful. that was a month ago, ive barely heard from him since then. i try to text to see how things are going, and i get nothing.. im ignored everyday. This time a month ago i was the best person on earth, now hes laughing and thinking how stupid i must be. I guess i was stupid, just wanted to help someone i cared about, and got burned in the end.
[Reply]
Barb Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Dear Lucy, Please do not consider yourself “stupid”. You are an honest caring human being who saw a friend in trouble and stepped up to the plate with an Extremely generous amount of $. Hardly Anyone would give that much to a “friend”. The way that they are treating you is a reflection on them NOT you. THEY have no honesty or integrity. That is for them to live with. Helping someone is never wrong (unless it happens over and over) it is what course of action the person you helped takes, that is either right or wrong. As I said in an earlier post, people like him are nothing but cowards and deadbeats. I feel for you, as it happened to me also. Much love, Barb
[Reply]
Barb Reply:
August 14th, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Lucy, Just a thought…., If you used your credit card, will your statement reflect the payment to the child support agency? If you can prove you gave him the $, why don’t you go to small claims court? Also, it’s only been a month. Isn’t that kind of soon to be feeling so hurt? I understand he has not contacted you yet, but I would not think that you are totally screwed so early in this situation. Hoping for the best for you. Much love, Barb
[Reply]
People can be so f%%%king inconsiderate. I lent this son of a b#tch money back in 2009, it is now 2011 and I haven’t seen a DIME of that. But yet he has the nerve to book vacations and tell my sibling he bought a vacation for xxx amount knowing he still owes me! When he went on his second vacation (2010) I told him that since he has money to book vacations he should have the money to pay me back his response was … “yes I had it in mind” , then has the nerve to go online and through shots at me talking about “fake friends” when I should be the one throwing his as$ under the bus. Then he buys himself a blackberry and guess what?? Just found out he booked another vacation for this christmas 2011… and I still don’t have my money!
[Reply]
same thing happened to me. A ‘friend’ of 5 years told me he was in a tight bind. He was behind on his rent, car note and his cell phone was going to be shut off. He said he needed 350.00 and asked me if he could get it from me. He told me that he didn’t even have money for fuel to get to the new job I got for him. I gave him 400 so he could get through until he got his check. To top it off his job was slowing down and he asked me if I could get him a job where I worked at… and I did! Making 70 plus thousand a year. So me being the friend that I am loaned it to him. Now, we use to talk everyday on the phone, sometimes 3 to 4 hours a day…. because we are truck drivers so that’s how we’d kill time. As soon as I gave him the money he stopped calling. And when I would call him he would be agitated and hurry off the phone by saying ‘I’m on the phone with my wife’. So now I have to see him at work dam near everyday and I want to kick his ass so bad it ain’t funny! I loaned him the money so he wouldn’t fall and he tries to pull me down with him. I am disgusted with myself for ever trying to help him. Now I know to let friends fall when they are in a financial bind. You live and you learn.
[Reply]