Financial Expectations
One day I was talking to my aunt about my job and she asked me why I don’t go back to school to be a CPA because they make good money and with my background in banking it should be a good fitting career. I explained to her that I’m happy for the time being in my career. What I didn’t tell her was that I’m looking forward to being a stay at home mom and that I’m not interested in switching careers because I don’t plan on working full time forever. I want to raise my kids and spend a few years doing that. That’s important to me.
I hate when I feel like I have to justify my financial decisions to people. Mr. Money and I don’t go out and buy new clothes, we don’t go on fancy dates, and we don’t go on extravagant vacations. We choose to save our money and spend it on things we really value. If we want to spend money on a new tv, we shouldn’t feel guilty about it as long as we’ve saved up cash and that’s something we really will enjoy.
It just seems like you can never win when it comes to money and family expectations. My husband and I aren’t in careers that will make tons of money. My husband’s a chef. Chefs don’t make millions of dollars. They work many long hours and the money isn’t fabulous, but Mr. Money loves what he does. I’d much rather have him happy with what he does than have him making $100,000 a year being miserable. It just isn’t worth it.
Sometimes I feel bad because my family expected me to become a doctor or an engineer. It just didn’t work out that way. It took me a long time, but I’m pretty happy with the way my life has turned out so far. We are doing the best we can with what we have, and I think that is really important.
Do you ever feel financial expectations from your family or friends? How do you deal with it?
I could’ve written this about my brother! He is 17 years older than me and we have similar academic interests. He is a recreational therapist who became a professor, and I got a psych degree. I was good at being a student, got into the honors college, and graduated with almost straight A’s. However, it’s not that I’m really smart, it’s that I’m a perfectionist and it really wore me out. My family expected me to go to grad school but I didn’t know what to get a master’s in. I knew if I did that I’d be working for several years to pay off the debt from it (because none of these opinionated people were pulling out their checkbooks, ya know?). We wanted to have a baby so we did, and I’m so glad. I am now staying home with my two girls. We don’t have a lot of money, but we don’t waste it as much as some people either. My busybody brother keeps credit card debt, always. His fiance expects extravagant gifts and dinners out 3-4 times a week. They pay for dish AND cable because they love TV so much. My husband and I make gifts and buy groceries on sale, and get by on $10/month Netflix. My brother is usually miserable with his job, but having expensive things is a priority for him. I don’t get it, I’d rather be a tightwad free to spend time with my family!
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 7th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
Jenny- Does your family make you feel bad for choosing to be a SAHM? I hope not. I think it’s awesome you are living out your dreams. I wish everyone could do this.
I think it’s very admirable what you are doing!
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My husband and I are in the same boat. He’s a college instructor, but he’ll likely have to work a lot of adjunct positions with low pay, no benefits, and no job security for several years before he finds something more stable. And now that I’m pregnant, I’m working from home as a freelance writer.
The funny thing is, we’re a lot more financially stable than my sisters who have double incomes with their husbands and work in stable careers. Because we plan, save, and spend frugally, we have a nice savings account and a plan for the future. They make a lot more money than we do, but they’re still living paycheck to paycheck. And they’re constantly complaining about their long hours, and how they still don’t have enough money.
It’s a matter of perspective, I think. Just because you can’t afford an extravagant lifestyle doesn’t mean you can’t live comfortably and happily on a low income.
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 7th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Karen- I agree with you. I think it is all how you want to live your life. You two have done awesome things in the past few years and you’re an inspiration to me!
Do your sisters ever talk to you about finances? I’d be curious to see how they felt about how you choose to live your life. Do they think you are living up to less than your potential?
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This was a great post to read because I can relate! I am pregnant with my first child and am making attempts to live a more frugal lifestyle to support my family during maternity leave and beyond (possibly working part-time at some point would be nice!). I don’t feel much pressure from others about our spending habits, but I do feel like my parents want me to focus more on my career when I’m more interested in my family. It’s great to read about others who feel the same way as I do!
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 7th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
Robyn- I think it’s great you are more interested in family. It seems like so many people are pressured into careers when they really want to be doing something else.
Congrats on your baby!
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My husband wants to be a chef – he is totally in his element in the kitchen! But I digress.
When we were first married, we absolutely tried to keep up with the Joneses… and we were miserable. Hubby lost his job in 2008 and has had a hard time recovering from that since, but we have totally changed our financial lifestyle and we’re so much happier because of that. My parents raised me very frugally, while his parents have been a bit more extravagant. We get some odd looks when we tell others we buy clothing mostly at thrift stores and limit our spending when going out to eat. Some of our family understands our choices, others don’t. We’re not in the business of buying brand-new gadgets and digging ourselves into debt anymore.
At the end of the day though, we enjoy saving money and find it thrilling to get good deals. If someone doesn’t like that, then they can fund a bigger lifestyle for us.
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 7th, 2010 at 5:20 pm
Saving Her Life- I know my hubby LOVES being a chef. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), it isn’t absolutely necessary to obtain a culinary degree to work in a kitchen.
I agree it feels great to save money and know you are doing something good for your future. I love your last sentence- that’s the best!
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I don’t ever feel pressured by family or friends to be something I’m not. I think I’m one of very few people who could care less what others think, it’s just not in my nature. However, I am always trying to become better at what I do, whether it’s teach, or plan for my financial future. In that way, I put pressure on myself to make progress.
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 7th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Little House- I wish I was that way. My hubby is, and I wish I was too. I worry about what people think about me too much. I need to just let it go!
That’s great you strive to better yourself. Sometimes, if I’m doing something I don’t want to do, I take short cuts.
I admit to being a little lazy sometimes!
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Oh my goodness.
I am a music teacher, something neither of my parents were happy about. “Music teachers are a dime-a-dozen.” “Teachers don’t make enough money to live.” (Ironically, our last visit to my parents, they were arguing about how teachers are overpaid.) “You’re being short-sighted.” Dad is a CPA and thought I could do that, but he really wanted me to go into genetic engineering.
How did I deal with it? Found other support networks. Went ahead and did my thing anyway.
The best Christmas gift I’ve ever received: my first year teaching, in a job that I loved, in my first apartment that I wasn’t sharing (a studio in the sticks), we were at my grandma’s for dinner. She was always my biggest fan. She came up to me and whispered, “Good for you for doing what you wanted to do.”
I have not only been successful in teaching, but I’ve presented at state conferences and developed and sold pedagogical materials. All without notice.
But my CPA dad, the one with the stable, well-paying job, has been out of work for nearly two years, while I, the dime-a-dozen music teacher have not only been employed but have been receiving a stipend for having a hard-to-fill position in my district. I certainly will never make as much money teaching as I would being a CPA, but I love what I do and there are still people willing to pay me to do it!
(I’m just started up a personal training center at my house to do part time, which I am also loving, and my dad gave me all the reasons why it’s a bad idea with the only “loophole” being that I could build it up and sell it.)
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 7th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
H Lee D- How sweet that your grandmother did that.
I love when people understand you are living your dreams. I think it’s great that you are doing things you love and you’re successful at it! That is so important.
I am glad things are working out so well for you!
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Great post! and questions to ponder! I think my family is proud of me for making the decision to stay at home, etc. BUT that doesn’t mean that they were disappointed in my decisions BEFORE children. It took a long time for my gparents to come to grips that their granddaughter was not attending college, have a degree, marry a well educated and high money making man….. I guess they were in the mentality of more money, happier life….
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 9th, 2010 at 6:39 am
hyperactivelu- I wanted that for my life too. It’s funny how our values change. I am glad you did what you wanted to do and you are happy!
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Call me nosy (I have been called much worse), but I am really interested in,
“What I didn’t tell her was that I’m looking forward to being a stay at home mom and that I’m not interested in switching careers because I don’t plan on working full time forever. I want to raise my kids and spend a few years doing that. That’s important to me.
I hate when I feel like I have to justify my financial decisions to people.”
Why do you hate it? Your choice is a noble one, especially when you are the one making sacrifices? Stand up for yourself! Tell her, and then maybe you can tell her that not all CPAs make triple digits
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 9th, 2010 at 6:41 am
Evan- I guess I have a hard time standing up for myself. I need to get more confidence. I hate when I feel like people judge me or criticize my decisions, especially family. I just feel like I’m letting them down…
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Evan Reply:
July 9th, 2010 at 8:08 am
Your decision isn’t to become a crack addict. Your decision is maybe to leave the workforce to tend for a child.
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
LOL totally true
I agree. I hear from people a lot I should go back to school, get a better job, etc., etc.
I work whatever part time job I can to be home with my boys as much as possible.
I am a single mom of 2 boys ages 12 and 7. I homeschool as well.
I do get health insurance from the state, but otherwise I have no debt and pay all my own bills. Plus I bought my grandmother’s house last year.
I am not stressed about money (usually.) I am home 90% of the time with my kids.
They will be grown soon enough, I can’t get these days back.
I am happy with my decision.
I used to talk finances and my situation to many as a testimony to God, but mostly now I don’t because they really are only interested in converting me to there way of life. I guess they need to justify why they are so stressed.
I love your blog and know God will bless your desire to raise your kids yourself.
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 9th, 2010 at 6:42 am
Becky R- Thank you! That is so sweet of you.
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I have a mediocre job that I kick butt at, but it is definitely not a dream job. I don’t know what my dream job is, but I do this one well and get to blog during the down time so I consider it a win.
My parents hate the fact that I “could do so much better” and wish I’d find something better for me. They aren’t mean about it, but it is annoying. I like low stress. I like knowing I can leave the job at work and never work more than 40 hours a week. I like the fact that my husband and I live nicely on about 60% of our $80,000 joint income and save the rest.
I just wish my parents would keep their thoughts to themselves.
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Mrs Money Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Budgeting in the Fun Stuff- I totally agree- I think low stress is much more important than tons of money! I think it’s crazy how some people put so much importance on what you ‘do’ for a living!
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