Considering Adoption

Posted by Mrs Money on January 7th, 2010

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I’m going to cut straight to the point here: I’m kicking around the idea of adoption. I want to throw some ideas out there, so I figured what better place to do it than here, right? I’m still not pregnant and okay with it, but I’m the kind of person that likes to plan things. I want to know my options.

I like the idea of adoption for a couple reasons.  First and foremost, we’d be providing a child that needs a home all the love and support we could.  There are so many children out there that need homes and I would love to have the opportunity to give one of those children a good future.  I also like the fact that the baby is already here on this Earth and I don’t personally have to do any physical labor to get it here (although I do really want to experience pregnancy)!  Pregnancy scares me a little.

Now for the downsides: adoption is EXPENSIVE.  We’re not exactly rolling in the dough.  We certainly have a comfortable lifestyle, but I don’t think we could afford $10,000-$15,000 for the adoption.  I’d like to try for a little while longer to have a baby before we jump into adoption.  It’s such a serious decision that it’s not something I want to take lightly.

Would you ever consider adoption? Do you think it’s something we should try to do?

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30 Responses to “Considering Adoption”


  1. sue says:

    Indeed we do/did/have … and despite all of my fertility obstacles, ended up pregnant. We have one bio-son and would love more kids, but biological pgy nearly took my life and the life of our son. :( Not a good plan for the future.

    Adoption is an expense, but if you adopt within the parameters of The Hope for Children Act, you can receive up to $10K in adoption-expense reimbursement (tax credit, not deduction). It makes adoption a bit more affordable and applies to national and international adoptions.

    We hope to adopt someday – right now, God hasn’t opened that door for us. All in due time….

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    ((HUGS)) I’m sorry to hear that. I know how hard it is. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

    I will have to research it more. It’s something I’m really interested in. I know that in time we’ll make the right decision for us.

    xoxo

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  2. Tia says:

    I have seen both sides of adoption. My little sister Kesha has been with our family since she was 2 (as a foster child) then my parents adopted her when her bio mom bailed. I can’t even imagine life without her. On the other hand, my parents also adopted 2 siblings and those adoptions both failed. The kids were older and kept running away to find their bio mom. Sadly, she was a junkie and they both have ended up back in the system because she couldn’t/wouldn’t care for them. :(

    From my own experience, I know that adoption has been such a blessing. I may not look like my youngest sister but I know that she is as much a part of my heart as my other sibs. God Bless you in whatever decision you make!

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    What a great story. I am so glad that it worked out with Kesha. Sorry to hear about the other siblings :( I have thought about fostering too, which would be great because then we could help a child and see how we really are as parents. I’m afraid that my heart would break when the kids had to leave though!

    xoxo

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  3. Mrs. Micah says:

    We’ve tossed around a number of ideas over the years regarding kids/pregnancy/adoption. While I’ve had some of the symptoms of PCOS, we haven’t tried to get pregnant and therefore don’t know if it’s an issue. I haven’t talked much with my doctor about it, though she wants me to get an ultrasound for further details.

    Right now neither of us has the desire to be a parent. But if we do in the future, then we’ll have to make that decision. Some of it has to do with Micah’s on-and-off major depression (which we’re worried might cause some problems in child-raising) and his view that if he can’t get past the depression then he shouldn’t bring a kid into a world he hates and into a life that he doesn’t think is worth living. But kids who are up for adoption already exist, and taking care of someone who’s in this sucky world too and needs your help/love is a good thing. But then would his depression warp the kids as much as his father’s warped him and a few other siblings?

    Fortunately, I married him knowing all this and accepting the likelihood we wouldn’t have kids. I’m quite happy to host his students, etc, and be one of those hospitable professors’ wives. There are plenty of college kids who are far from home who need surrogate families too.

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    I think that it is such a personal decision to have kids, and I hate when people try to guilt others into having them or make them feel bad for not having kids.

    I know whatever decision you two make you will have a great life. You are so sweet and I am sure Micah is a great guy!

    xoxo

    [Reply]

  4. AJ says:

    Actually we were in the process of an adoption from South Korea when I found out I was pregnant (trying 5+ years!). (Wanted China, but you have to be 30+ to apply.) Adoption is such a difficult process. And the money, oh my! There are tax credits and employer incentives (some companies), which help. After adding everything, our out of pocket with South Korea would be $12,000.00 – but only because the country doesn’t require any travel and will escort your child to the US. (No travel = big savings.)

    Domestic adoption was out of the question for us. Unless going through the foster care system, the cost was higher than any international ones we looked into. Plus the birth parent rights for domestic adoptions scared us away. (Birth parents coming back into the picture years down the road and winning back custody…what!) International just seemed more stable for us.

    Realistically without including the tax credit or employer incentives, adoption can easily run $40,000-$70,000. Just depends on your agency, where you adopt from and other things. Every little process costs money. Paperwork, home studies, mailing fees, placement fees, post placement studies, etc. But again, another option in the US is adopting through the foster care program, I can’t offer any info on that though, since we specifically went for international.

    If we ever choose to have another child in the future, it will be through adoption (South Korea or China), because I have always wanted to adopt more than have my own biological child.

    I think if adoption is something you’re both interested in, start researching it now. It could take your mind off getting pregnant – like it did for me! It’s important to research agencies and get the facts straight so you know exactly what to expect. We spent 7 months just comparing countries/rules/agencies, etc. and pooWhatever you decide though, best of luck!!

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    WOW. It is a lot more expensive than I thought! Congrats on your pregnancy!

    I would love to adopt from China or South Korea. That would be awesome. I like the idea of domestic adoption but I totally agree with your points.

    I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy!

    xoxo

    [Reply]

  5. Jennifer says:

    I think adoption is such a wonderful thing. There are so many babies and kids that need families and homes. My youngest sister was adopted when she was 7 and I was 23 (and long moved out). My parents had 4 biological kids and then decided to adopt. It is rough at times but raising kids is tough. She has other siblings that she wants to be contact with (and my parents accommodate, only by phone since they aren’t nearby). And she has some disciple issues but she’s also approaching her teenage years so that’s not totally off. I think she does have a hard time knowing that her mom gave her up (her mom gave up all parental rights, has drug problems, and seems to have a low IQ). But it’s a wonderful thing to do for someone else. Good luck in your decision.

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    Thank you! It is so nice to hear all the positive stories about adoption. :)

    xoxo

    [Reply]

  6. Little House says:

    I’ve always thought that someday I might adopt. My husband and I haven’t really “tried” for our own per say, however nothing has happened and we’ve been married almost 10 years! We’ve discussed adoption a lot, since we keep putting off children. I think this will be something we end up doing only because we have procrastinated so long. I also think adoption is wonderful because there are so many children out there who need good homes and caring parents. The downside is it is expensive. However, if you are willing to wait and save up, it may be really rewarding.

    Good luck in whatever decision you make and whatever happens!

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    Thank you! I hope everything works out for the best for you too. I feel like we’ve been putting it off for years now too. :)

    [Reply]

  7. Miss M says:

    I would definitely consider adoption, though we’ll probably try for our own for a few years first. There are some definite benefits, like avoiding the whole pregnancy thing! But it can be just as emotionally draining and as many have pointed out, even more expensive than giving birth to your own child. Whatever route you go, I’m sure you’ll be wonderful parents!

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    Thanks so much! I am hoping we can conceive a baby first and then maybe look into adoption. It will be a fun journey. :)

    [Reply]

  8. Kacie says:

    Didn’t read the other comments yet because I’m pressed on time. I think adoption is a fabulous idea for all parties!

    Before you let the cost worry you, consider a few things:

    If you were foster parents and fostered a child first and then adopted him or her, the fees would be dramatically less — possibly even nothing. I don’t have exact numbers though.

    There is a HUGE tax break in the year you adopt. Research that. Plus, $1,000 tax credit (and sometimes more) per child just for being your child.

    Some employers offer a financial benefit to adoptive parents. My husband’s employer does this.

    Look at your family’s health insurance plan. What would the maternity costs be? If they’re a lot, then that helps bring down the overall cost of adoption.

    Best wishes with whatever you do!

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    Thanks! You’ve pointed out a lot of good points here. I would love to foster a child. I think I’d have to quit my job first though. :)

    I think I need to do a little more research and thinking/praying about it. Thanks for the well wishes!

    [Reply]

  9. Of course it’s a nice idea. It’s expensive but a baby to love and nurture is worth it! You’ll be a MOM!!

    John DeFlumeri Jr

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    Thanks, John! I’m going to keep my sights set on that. :)

    [Reply]

  10. Chris says:

    Adoption is a wonderful way to go (I know – I’m adopted!). But please don’t fly all the way to China or Africa. There are plenty of kids here in the US who could use a good home!

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    Chris- I’d also be saving so many CO2 emissions, right? ;) I would love to foster kids in the US. I am excited to see what the future brings!

    [Reply]

  11. Cynthia says:

    Chuck and I have talked about adoption. I really wanted to be pregnant one last time so we went that route instead but adoption is such a wonderful gift for your family. Good luck in your research!

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    Thanks! I would really like to have a bio child at some point in my life. I know that it will all work out somehow!

    [Reply]

  12. Zella says:

    We’re kicking around the idea of adopting… I don’t have any real desire to get pregnant, but we want kids. I say keep looking into it– there are tax credits and help from the state out there, and plenty of kids that need a mom.

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    Zella- I hope everything goes well for you! :)

    [Reply]

  13. jmanna says:

    Have you looked at any programs your state might offer? A lot of states have programs where they will shoulder a lot of adoption costs and sometimes even provide a state allowance for the child’s first few years. If you have a religious affiliation, check with your church, shrine, whatever. There are lots of groups that help couples with the same beliefs adopt. Check to see if there’s a tax credit for such things.

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    jmanna- We haven’t yet but will have to research that. Those are fantastic tips! I think we need to do a little more research. :)

    [Reply]

  14. I’m 31 now and have known since I was a teenager that I would take in a foster child that was not a baby since they are often chosen LAST ad adopt the child if possible. When it’s time for me to start a family that option is on the table.

    [Reply]

    Mrs Money Reply:

    Cheapskate Sandy- I love all kids, so I would love to foster some older ones too. :)

    [Reply]


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